Within the last year I have seen more social media posts than ever before about not using the word “pretty” to compliment little girls. The idea comes from parents not wanting to bring light to a child’s looks and to show little girls that they are more than what meets the eye. These posts ask that people describe our girls as strong, determined, smart, etc. and specifically requests friends and family to NOT describe our girls as pretty.
As the mother of a little girl, I understand where these authors are coming from. We want our girls to know that they can accomplish greatness because of who they are on the inside. Appearances do not define who we are or determine our success in life. I agree with these statements wholeheartedly and want the same mindset to be instilled in my daughter.
But, it’s okay with me if you call my daughter pretty.
The negative connotation associated with pretty comes from society’s narrow mindset; that there is one kind of look that’s “pretty.” Traditionally, each ethnic group has a set of beauty standards for women. That has led to young girls feeling incomplete when they do not fit into that mold. For me, I do not feel as though the compliment “pretty” is what has created these ill feelings in young girls but rather, WHO we are complimenting.
As a mother, if I compliment only women of one size, shape, and color, then of course my daughter is going to view that type of woman as pretty. But pretty is not one look, shape, size, or color. Our job is to teach our daughters that ALL women are pretty in their own way. I do think my blonde, curly-haired little girl is pretty, but I also think her friend with black, straight hair is pretty. I think my daughter is pretty whether she is in pants or in a dress. I think she is pretty when her eyes smile and she throws her head back in laughter. That is what we should be teaching our little girls: that we are all pretty in our own ways and the way we carry ourselves is what makes us the prettiest.
I think it’s okay to want to feel pretty and even be told so. You won’t catch me outside of the house without makeup on. Is that because I am insecure? Absolutely not! I just feel prettier with it on and I feel better on the inside when I look better on the outside. When I see a woman with her nails done, I see someone who took some time out of her day to do something for herself. And guess what? If she spent money on getting those nails done, you complimenting her on them will probably make her day.
There are so many ways to parent and you will always meet others with differing opinions. For one mom, she may still feel strongly against complimenting young girl’s appearances and I respect that. For me, I will compliment the women who smile at me as they walk by, whose eyes light up when they tell a story, and the women who take some time out of their day to focus on themselves: no matter what their actual physical appearance is. I will teach my daughter that happy girls are pretty and carrying yourself in a positive manner will make you shine a little brighter. I will let my daughter hear me build up women up of all shapes, sizes, and colors and teach her about finding the beauty in ALL women.
