I feel like I can finally say it and actually believe it: having twins is awesome.
It took me a really long time to get here. I mean I always thought they were pretty adorable–who couldn’t help but love those sweet little features? I would just have preferred to have them one at a time like most other moms. Veteran twin moms were and still are a huge source of support and guidance for me, but I thought they were absolutely off their rockers when they asked me, “Isn’t having twins just the best?” I honesty thought they were lying to me to make me feel better (and maybe lying to themselves a little bit, too!) In my head I would be thinking, no way, this is pretty rough, but luckily my mouth would form the more appropriate reply, “Oh yes, I’m so blessed.”
Memories have a funny way of softening at the edges over time which helps you forget some some of the hardest parts of life with twin infants and toddlers. However, from what I can remember and from photographs, for the first 7 months of my twins lives we were in a chronic 3-hour cycle of diaper changes, feed, pump, wash up, playtime, put down for nap, repeat. It was like Groundhog Day but every 3 hours instead of every 24 hours. It felt endless.
Having such a rigid schedule made outings almost impossible and required serious planning and prep. If we did venture out in public strangers suddenly everywhere had very specific questions about my ovulation patterns and my family history. Almost everyone we met was dying to know whether twins run in my family. Even more absurdly, many asked us whether they were “natural.” Umm, well they are real human babies if that’s what you’re asking!
Transitioning into the toddler years didn’t feel like that much of a relief for us. I have clear memories of some traumatizing simultaneous teething that caused hours of inconsolable crying by the whole family. Once they were crawling and walking, they only went in opposite directions and quickly learned how to empty every drawer and cabinet in our home. It seemed like they could find every dangerous item in sight like electrical cords, outlets, sharp corners, and trash cans.
Having mobile babies actually made outings more difficult and required that they be strapped into either stroller or carrier (which they would only tolerate for so long before they would scream to be let free). It was like being on constant suicide watch trying to prevent them from running into the street or in front of cars in parking lots. It was seriously difficult, and mamas with triplets+ are my heroes. I wouldn’t go back to the infant and toddler twin stages even if offered a million dollars.
However, we’ve survived all that and come through it with minimal scarring (but maybe with just a touch of PTSD as reminiscing about all this made me feel a bit panicky and anxious)! My twins are 4 years and 3 months old now and we’ve hit some major game-changing milestones that have made life so much easier. I love that they can dress themselves, put on their own shoes and jackets, pack their backpacks, and strap themselves into their car seats.
For the most part, they understand what is dangerous and don’t try to climb too-high furniture or dart into the street. They’ll sit at the table and eat their dinner and no longer intentionally drop food on the floor or get hugely messy at meals to where they need to be cleaned off with a power washer. I also love how when they ask to watch a show, I can say, “Absolutely! As soon as all these toys are picked up and put away” and they actually do it!
It seems like the struggles we have now are just like the struggles that all families with multiple kids have, not just twin families. Like all moms I play mediator to disputes while trying to use the bathroom, and they beg me to dole out snacks and meals all the live long day. At meal times I, too, hear, “I don’t like spaghetti” or “I don’t want hamburgers” said in a high-pitched, whiney tone. Those things come with the mom territory and are pretty much expected.
What is cool about twins though is that I only have 1 drop off and pick up every day because they’re in the same classroom, and I only have to spend 30 minutes of my Saturday morning at the local pool because they can be in the same swimming class. They have no trouble agreeing on what TV show to watch because, developmentally, they’re at the same stage. They also like most of the same activities which makes outings and vacations pretty easy and fun. They get invites to the same birthday parties and playdates (so far, although I realize this may not always be the case and that’s okay).
I find it easier dropping them off somewhere because I know they’re together and they’ll watch out for each other. I ask them to check in with each other to make sure the other is okay and they actually do. They truly are the best friends and playmates and they’re brilliant at orchestrating elaborate imaginative play together. Now there are definitely squabbles, but generally I leave them to it and only intervene if they start physically fighting, and to be honest, sometimes I ignore that, too.
Moral of the story: if you’re a mom with young twins and you feel like you’re drowning and overwhelmed and frustrated with the phase you’re in, please just hold on, I can assure you it really will get easier. One day you’ll truly love that you were lucky enough to have twins. Now, I know that we have a lot of sticky situations coming our way in the pre-teen and teenage years, however, I truly believe that I can handle all of that and more having survived the infant and toddler stages.
