This week while driving my four-year-old home from preschool we start to talk about TV and why it’s not always healthy for our brains. She asked very pointedly, “Why isn’t it good for me when it’s so much fun?”
My thinking goes to years down the road she may be asking the same question of drugs or alcohol! Whew, glad I’m not there yet. However I reply with, “What a great question honey. But not all things that are fun are good for your body.” Then my mind wanders to this past Saturday night, ouch. I was not exactly following this mantra.
This last Saturday was an (almost) perfect date night with my husband. The babysitter was lined up. We both got to shower and get dressed in “nicer than our everyday” clothes.
We went out to our favorite sushi restaurant, had some adult beverages at our favorite bar, and all around had fun laughing and catching up. It had been a month since we’d done this and honestly I was ready to get out of the house, and cut loose. I had been feeling overwhelmed and trapped in my house all at the same time over the past few weeks.
We are in the thick of our home building project, there are mounting projects at work, therapy has been difficult, and overall I’ve just been battling the everyday struggles of keeping the household a float (you know it…meal planning, groceries, cleaning, etc.).
So all I needed was a night out on the town, right? Maybe not. What I didn’t know (or plan on happening) is that instead of a night out, it turned into recovering for almost two days (too many adult beverages) and loads of guilt; the guilt that I couldn’t be the ideal mom or wife that day or days that followed. My mind was foggy and my body was lacking the energy I’ve grown used to having since focusing in on regular sleep and exercise.
What I didn’t realize until now is that parenting, responsibility, being a role model, and all around leadership are privileges… instead I have been treating them as chains that keep me enslaved, trapped by their all encompassing daily demands.
Over the last few weeks, every time I would see a couple walking down the street with no children, some college-aged kids at Target freely shopping at their leisure, or someone going for a run alone… my mind would say “their life is so much better than yours.” When in fact, I really don’t know their story. I would then turn my responsibilities of parenting into a heavy weight that I need to carry instead of the privilege I have to serve. The privilege that I have to be a leader, a mother, a wife, a friend, a coworker, and the freedom to live in a family household that I choose to manage.
This new mindset is a game changer for me. Instead of comparing myself to others and want what they have, or striving to have “less responsibility”…I am now focusing on being grateful for the privileges I have everyday. I am sure there are other moms out there who have also felt the same way, trapped like I do. Yes, I know the feeling all too well. This mom lives and breathes her home nearly all day (working full-time from home); I truly feel your pain. But instead, let’s avoid thinking of it as pain, it’s a privilege to have the responsibility to go grocery shopping, have the energy to run around with your kid(s), fulfill your role at work, and love on your husband (just because).
The famous Billie Jean King once said, “Pressure is a privilege — it only comes to those who earn it.”
You may be thinking, yep, I got this. I already knew this. I applaud you then. Because honestly, sometimes it feels like I’m often late in learning these “adulting” life lessons. That’s a hard one to say out loud.
Going forward when I start to feel trapped or overwhelmed… I’ll stick with sparkling water and perhaps something other endorphin-raising activity! Perhaps bowling, live music, a comedy on TV, a movie, going for a run or the gym. Not to say that I won’t ever indulge again, but now it’s won’t be an excuse or escape. It can be a celebration on a rare(r) occasion.
Lastly, I’ve heard that the months of October through December are the busiest time of the year for travel and families in general. That sounds about right to me. Halloween is just around the corner and shortly after that I know we’ll start to plan for the holidays (yes I said it, yikes!). Clara, my four-year-old is already starting to plan out her costume and has her Christmas dress picked out! So, this year, I am not panicking as the busy season approaches.
Instead I am focusing in on being grateful for the many privileges in my life. The simple privilege of adulting, parenting, leadership and being a wife to my loving husband.
