I was hustling down the sidewalk from a shop to my car to make it to preschool pick up on time when a man approached me. It was raining so I had my jacket hood up and my head down. He was just exiting his car that he’d parked on the street. With a slight raise of his right hand he called out to me so I stopped and turned toward him.
He asked, “Could you help me with something? You look like you’d be good with technology, I can’t seem to get the sat nav in my car working and I’m lost, would you try to fix it for me?”
“Oh sorry, I know nothing about that kind of stuff,” I replied. Which is actually a lie that I felt conflicted about telling. I’m pretty good with satellite navigation systems and I could have probably easily helped him out, but something about the situation didn’t feel safe.
“Are you sure you couldn’t just sit into the car and have a look? It would probably only take you a second.” he urged.
I said, “No, I don’t have time.” Now the alarm bells were really going off. Asking me to get into his car? Hard pass.
It was the middle of the day, about 11:50am, in the center of town. Definitely not a time or place that I would have my guard up and be worried about walking alone. After I told him no, I kept walking down the sidewalk toward my car with my head held high and my keys gripped in my hand, hoping the whole time that he wouldn’t follow me. Thankfully, he didn’t.
What I should have done
Even now, I haven’t got a clue what this man’s motives were. Did he want to take my phone and cash, or was he genuinely in need of help and just incredibly stupid (for asking for help in such a creepy way)? Or was his intention much more sinister? Would he have driven off with me in the passenger seat had I gotten in to the car to help? I’ll never know, but I do know that I should have done a few things differently to stay safe in that situation.
Rather than continue down the sidewalk toward my car alone, I should have turned on my heel and marched right back into the shop I had been in or into the busy coffee shop next door. In this situation, placing myself around other people would definitely have been better than continuing down the street alone.
The other thing I wish I would have done, and this is what haunts me the most, is I should have called a law enforcement agent to report the incident. Who knows if there was anything they would be able to do, but I think explaining the situation and giving a description of the person and the car would have been the best thing I could do to attempt to prevent this individual from harming someone else if that was his intention.
I sat in my car after this happened a little shaken up and thinking that I should probably tell someone, but I didn’t. Instead I collected the kids from preschool and I went on with my day. I told myself that I would do it later. However, the longer I waited, the more I minimized what had happened. It got to the point where I convinced myself there wasn’t really anything to tell.
However, I still think about this incident occasionally, even a year later, especially when I’m walking in town where it happened. Hindsight being 20/20 tells me that if it still bothers me, then it was definitely creepy and inappropriate and I should have reported it just to be on the safe side. What if he found another woman who who did get into into his car? What if he harmed her and I did nothing to prevent it?
Afterward I did a little research on how I can keep myself safe when I’m walking alone and here’s what I learned:
Trust your instincts
If something feels off, it probably is. If someone has approached you and you’re not comfortable, don’t be afraid to make a scene by yelling firm commands like “BACK OFF” or “GO AWAY”, throwing something, or calling for help. Don’t be afraid of what other people will think. It’s better to have misread a situation and be slightly embarrassed for causing a scene than be harmed.
Avoid distraction
Don’t look at your phone or make calls while you’re walking alone. Keep you head up and ears peeled, and pay attention to what is happening around you at all times. When you walk into or out of a public space, have a quick look to your left and right to be aware of what and who is around you.
Walk with confidence and purpose at a steady pace with eyes forward and chin up.
A perpetrator will be less likely to approach a woman who appears confident, who knows her surroundings, and who looks like she wouldn’t mind screaming and kicking her way out of a situation. Keep safe by always make it seem like you know exactly where you are going.
Consider carrying a legal keychain tool
A kubotan is a stainless steel self-defense keychain tool that can be used on the vulnerable body parts of an assailant (eyes, neck, groin, nose, etc). Keep your keys in the pocket nearest your dominant hand or in your hand while you’re walking. The weapon won’t keep you safe if it’s in the bottom of a big handbag or diaper bag. I learned about it from a police officer in Duluth at a talk I attended on self-defense. Just don’t try to fly with it in your carry on (checked luggage is okay), I had three and they’ve all been confiscated by TSA, oops! I ordered mine from Amazon.
I wish we didn’t need safety tips like this, but unfortunately that’s just not the world we’re living in. Please always be aware, be cautious, and trust your instincts.
Thank you Kristina for this excellent article. I do think your instincts were correct – this creepy guy did not need help with his navigation system. Your tips on always being prepared and confident are spot on. I have learned at an early age to not trust many types of people – but it’s always a gut feeling. Unfortunately, situations like these have made me not as adventurous and I rarely do things alone, such as driving at night. Teaching this to your children about staying safe and trusting your gut feelings is so incredibly smart. You are the best writer of all topics.
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