How to Name a Baby When You Hate Everybody


How to Name a Baby When You Hate Everybody | Duluth Moms Blog


Ok, the title is a little misleading, I don’t hate EVERYONE, but I didn’t realize how many people I didn’t like when I started to name my kiddos.  

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had names picked out for my future children. As the years went by I realized that naming my child Jon Bon Jovi Jr. was not going to be a possibility, so I decided on the names Connor and Chloe. Unfortunately, the copyright office doesn’t take patents on naming rights and so I “lost” the name Connor to my oldest nephew and my niece got the bragging rights to Chloe. 

So when my husband and I found out I was pregnant, I was back at square one. Where does one turn to when trying to pick out a name?  It seemed like such a daunting responsibility! I wanted a good strong name–nothing that would get my child teased–and one that didn’t match the name of a person that could be found on America’s Most Wanted. Since we found out pretty early on that we were having a boy, we were able to narrow down our choices by half.  

A Rose By Any Other Name

My husband and I threw out a few silly ideas at first such as, “Maybe we could name our child Old, so that when kids try to tease him by saying, ‘Are you Old McDonald?’ he could respond with a confident, ‘Why yes, I am and no, I do not have a farm.'” And then the bullies would be speechless; stopped in their tracks. Let’s face it, sharing a last name with a fast food company is going to bring on the jokes, no matter what your age. We might as well have a good time with our little nugget!

How to Name a Baby When You Hate Everybody | Duluth Moms Blog

Another not-quite-serious suggestion was to name our baby Cash, that way if someone ever asked him to whom they should make out the check to, he could coolly respond with, “Just make it out to Cash.” Of course, by his teen years, he would have been saying, ‘What’s a check and who even uses cash anymore?” We also discussed how clever it would be to use “Wait for it” as his middle name.  (A nod to any How I Met Your Mother fans reading this!)

But for Real…

I really like the name Declan, but my husband wouldn’t have it. We both really loved the name Adeline, but since it never turned out that great for that guy in the song “A boy name Sue” we figured we needed something more traditional.  (Lucky for us, baby number two was a girl – so we got to use Adeline on the second round draft.)

We finally settled on the name Charles William.  

My husband’s grandfather is a Charles and for us it is a good, strong, family name on both sides.  Chances of an employer seeing it on a job application and mispronouncing it are low. Plus it has some great nicknames like, Charlie, Chick and Chaz. Yes, it could get a little dicey come the time they teach The Name Game song in school so we stay away from Chuck – but you do you.

I know people say you can get more creative with the middle name, so we named our son after our timeshare. Well, not really. William is in honor of one of our favorite places to visit: Williamsburg, Virginia. (And yes, we have a rookie mistake timeshare there if anyone is looking to take it off our hands – the timeshare, not our son.)

Pro Tip: Say the name you are thinking about picking out loud. Yell it down a grocery store aisle. Stage whisper it through clenched teeth. Find a name you are never going to get tired of, because for AT LEAST the first decade you are going to be using it in overdrive.

I still wonder sometimes what we would have done if my son came out not looking like a Charlie. I guess at that point, I could have always gone back to my old reliable: Jon Bon Jovi McDonald. It kind of has a ring to it, don’t you think?

How did you decide on your children’s names? Do they have special meanings or was it one that you found in a baby book? Did you keep it a secret or tell the world? Let me know in the comments!