Motherhood cannot be defined by only a few words. It is a tender, emotional journey of the heart. If you have had traveled any road toward motherhood: adoption, c-sections, vaginal births, foster care… miscarriages, adoption failures, stillbirths and/or heartbreaking losses, then you’ve opened yourself up to be vulnerable. That is a beautiful thing, mama.
When I found out I was pregnant last June (after six+ years of infertility) and the shock subsided some, one of the many conversations I had with my doctor was about delivery. Typically, I like to know everything I can, but one of the ways I had worked through my acceptance of infertility was being blissfully oblivious and glad about skipping some of the hard parts of labor, like contractions and *gulp* tearing. But when I had to make birth plan, I decided I was just going to have a baby in whatever was the safest and best way for us.
As it turned out, our little man needed to come out early due to my hypertension. I was scheduled to be induced, did that for three days (foley bulb, bag of waters broken, Pitocin… NOT super fun y’all) but little man had trouble progressing, and he had a big ol’ head that was coming down crooked. I was told that my odds weren’t good for a vaginal delivery. I was totally over the back labor I was having and was just fine with the choice of a c-section.
That night they got me ready and I had my son via c-section. It was hard. Physically, having a baby in any manner is just plan difficult! You are giving up your body for the sake of your child. It is a great, beautiful, and HARD. Hard is being so swollen that the nurses help you do pretty much everything. Hard is the recovery of the stitches. (Side note: since I didn’t have a vaginal birth, I was kind curious on what my body could have potentially gone through. Have you seen the representation of what a 10cm dilation looks like?! ROCKSTAR MAMAS!) I’m fortunate that no one has thought I took “the easy way out”. If someone has said that to you, shame on them! Major surgery is not easy.
My friend and fellow Duluth Moms Blog writer, Kristina, had her beautiful twins via cesarean section. She was willing to share her experience:
“I’m the sort of person who likes lists and itineraries. I like knowing what to expect and I like to be prepared. So when my twins decided suddenly at 30 weeks and 1 day gestation that it was time for their arrival I was thrown for a loop. I had been at work you see, and I simply walked across the skywalk on my lunch hour for my routine 30 week check-up with the OB. I was feeling great, working full time, and not even close to being prepared for the arrival of two babies. So when the OB told me I was dilated and that I would have to go to the birth place right that minute, I was shocked. I think I replied that I couldn’t possibly go to the birth place as I had to go back to work, which elicited a chuckle from the OB.
The medications given to try to stop labor didn’t work and within several hours I’d progressed to the point where delivery was imminent. Another check revealed that twin A’s umbilical cord was positioned covering the exit, and would become compressed, cutting off her oxygen supply, if and when her amniotic sac ruptured. It meant an urgent cesarean-section was needed. I had hoped for and planned for a calm and peaceful labor and delivery and my biggest fear was that a c-section would feel rushed and chaotic and traumatic. I’m sure that some do, especially if they’re emergent, but I’m so happy to say that my experience wasn’t like that at all.
There were 12 people in the room that evening, not including the twins, and somehow, miraculously, there was a quiet peacefulness surrounding all of us. I held my husband’s hand as each twin was carefully brought into the world. We were able to delay cord clamping for each baby which was another desire of mine. After they were examined, my husband and I each held one baby before they were brought to the neonatal ICU. Not one single thing went according to plan that day, the babies were premature, labor couldn’t be stopped, and we rushed to have a c-section, but my goal of having a peaceful delivery experience was realized and for that I am very grateful. Babies don’t follow itineraries. That was the first of many lessons I’ve learned since becoming a mother.”
Did you know April is awareness month? We want to celebrate all roads to motherhood, but if you have had a c-section–planned or unplanned–here’s a chance to embrace your scars. My body still shows many signs of carrying my baby, but you know what? I’m actually super proud of my stretch marks, scar line, and mom pooch. You should be proud of yours, too.
