My beautiful toddler, Harper, is one of the most strong-willed, fearless, and independent children I have ever met. While these characteristics will hopefully lead her to great things, right now they are only leading her to “quiet time” so mom can collect herself before blowing her top. While we still have our fair share of tough days and power struggles, we have been able to adopt a few practices to help us keep it (for the most part) together.
1. Having an activity box and changing it often
Harper does not stop. All day she is on the go which has recently made car rides DREADFUL! She has been crying the entire drive or just wanting snacks, even if we had just finished eating. We leave an activity box in the car and it has helped make car rides manageable. Our activity box usually has books and/or car friendly toys for her to utilize on the drive. While you can make your box according to your child’s age and interests, ours currently contains: egg shaped crayons, paper, books, Mickey & Minnie Mouse stuffed animals, and a simple toy.
2. Having options set out in the morning
By the time I realized Harper was getting an opinion on her clothes, shoes, etc. it was too late. We were having full-blown meltdowns on things like not being allowed to wear a knit beanie hat when it was 80° outside. I have all of her clothes and shoes put in her closet now and I keep the door shut. Every evening I pull out two clothing options: shirt, pants, socks, shoes, everything we need for the next day! In the morning she gets to pick what she wears out of the two options. I try to coordinate the outfits so if she picks a shirt from one and a pair of pants from the other, we don’t look like a complete mess but that doesn’t always happen. So, if you see us walking through town with a blue dress on, brown pants, and hot pink rain boots…. you now know why!
3. Removing stimulus from sight
My curious little wildflower takes an interest in many things that are not safe for her. This was tough for me because I never realized that, even though they were tucked away in cabinets, there were plenty of dangerous items accessible. I have had to reorganize every cabinet and drawer in my house and remove any decor at toddler level as she has grown and can reach new heights. While it was tough to rehome all of my knick-knacks and cabinet items, it keeps me from having to say “no” all day and keeps us from hourly power struggles over boundaries.
4. Letting her take the lead
This one is tough if you have to stick to any kind of timeline but again it has helped us steer clear from a meltdown. This can be quite the debatable topic but for us nap time is usually dictated by Harper. Sometimes she naps on the couch, sometimes in her crib, or sometimes on the floor on her play mat. When it is time for nap, I tell her to go lay down and she usually goes to one of those three places. It gives her a little control over her day and she rests better when she is comfortable rather than when I was forcing her to sleep in her crib every nap time. This was hard for me to integrate in our lives because it didn’t feel “right”. I always thought that you are supposed to lay children down at nap time in their bed and they’re supposed to go to sleep. But Harper was spending an hour every day trying to fall asleep and was in hysterics for most of that hour. Now, we still take some time to fall asleep but with little-to-no tears! You do what is right for your family, even if it is “going against the book”.
5. Not being afraid to ask for help
Lastly, the phrase “it takes a village” is not to be disregarded. Even with putting all the above things in place we still have bad days. And by bad days I mean I want to lock myself in the bathroom and ugly cry. One day when Harper was being particularly spicy, I had a friend show up unannounced in the middle of my emotional breakdown. I was sitting outside while Harper climbed on her play structure with a swollen face & makeup-raccoon eyes from crying when my friend pulled up. I was mortified that I let anyone see me in such a vulnerable state but she saved my life that day. She basically told me she was taking Harper for the rest of the afternoon. It was so hard to agree to, not because I didn’t trust her, but because I felt like a failure. I am a stay-at-home mom, my job right now is to take care of and nurture this sweet girl of mine. Letting her take Harper made me feel like I was failing at that job. But because I was at a breaking point, I agreed. She took Harper for the rest of the day, brought her back to me fed, bathed, and ready for bed. I needed those 4 hours that afternoon to get myself together and the next day I felt like a new person.
Harper is only 19 months old so everything I wrote could change tomorrow when she decides that she hates the outfit choices or when she decides the couch is for climbing on instead of quiet time but all we can do is take it a day at a time. I love my toddler’s unique characteristics but she has made me question my ability to be a good mom on more than one occasion. My mantra is “be her calm” and I repeat that to myself daily. When she is having a tantrum, I often want to yell right along with her but I know that isn’t helping the situation. The best thing I can do is set up her environment with as few triggers as possible and help her work through her big emotions as calmly as possible
Meet Samantha
As a Texan, turned Alaskan, turned Minnesotan, Samantha Krause is enjoying her temporary homestead in Duluth alongside her husband, Matt, and her one and a half year old daughter, Harper. Samantha holds her Master of Education degree in Special Education but is currently taking a break from teaching to raise Harper. In her free time you can find Samantha outside running, hiking, or enjoying the community events around town.
