Take a break! Chores Are a Good Thing

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When I first became a mom, I assumed part of parenting was teaching your child how to succeed in the world, and that meant they learn how to cook, do their laundry, clean, and handle messes. As it turns out, not everyone thinks this way. When I mentioned at a playdate that we were late because my five year old had to take the recycling out, I was surprised to see everyone staring at me like I grew a third arm. For a while I felt like maybe I was too hard on my kids, that maybe I should let them be kids and enjoy their childhood to the fullest; adulthood happens in a blink and I don’t want them to miss all of the fun. But I now have four kids ranging from 13 to 2, and you know what I’ve learned?

Chores are a good thing.

Take a break! Chores Are a Good Thing | Duluth Moms Blog

Why Are Chores Amazing?

In a recent Harvard study researchers found that kids who had chores actually did better in life; chores were a big predictor of which kids would go on to become independent, happy, and healthy adults. Chores help children feel like they are capable of doing the task and also like they belong to a team. In another survey of parents, 82 percent say they had chores as a kid but only 23 percent of those parents expect their children to do chores. Some believe that chores would be too stressful on the child once its added into a routine of school, sports and activities, and possibly a job.

It was my dad who told me that you aren’t born with a work ethic, you learn it. All of those hours I spent washing dishes, learning to make dinners when my mom worked, and cleaning various things were teaching me responsibility and instilling a strong work ethic. (I hate how I sound like my parents so much right now.) I thought I wouldn’t start them with my kids until their high school years and then it would be easy, but when my daughter was two, I started going to a play group/parenting class and one session was about chores and how kids as young as 18 months old could help. I went home and looked around my house and decided we were going to implement this. It ended up being a real turning point in my parenting style.

How Do I Put Them to Work?

When I first started handing out chores it was easy stuff: make your bed, empty the bathroom garbage, Swiffer the floor, vacuum your room, help put dishes away, pick up toys, etc. As they got older, and I mean first grade and up, I started adding in more complex things: clean toilet, wipe counters down, take recycling out, sweep, put all the dishes away, wash dishes, fold clothes. Now that my older two are even older (11 and 13) they do their own laundry (AMAZING), take the garbage out, clean the entire bathroom and kitchen, make basic meals, and mop.

What I learned was that toddlers LOVE to Swiffer. You really can’t screw up swiffering and they will do it for a long time. They love to dust and clean windows. Sometimes I’ll give them spray bottles with water and a towel and have them clean the floor in their play area. No kidding, it gives me a solid half hour to fold our laundry or start a meal and they love it.

Using a chore chart to track who will do which chore is a really great way to keep organized. Sit down together and assign chores to get them involved. I’ve learned in thirteen years of being a mom that kids really like being involved. They want to feel like they are a part of the system, a contributing player. A little trick I use for a LOT of things is when my kids ask to do something, or even when they don’t, I’ll say, “Oh…. I don’t know. Do you really think you’re big enough to do this?” and give them the power to convince me. They will not only eagerly do the task, but they also feel pride in themselves for accomplish something new or tough.

I often talk about my sixteenth birthday, while friends had cool parties, I was driven around town and filled out job applications everywhere. It’s the most memorable birthday I had. It was expected that I would get a job, I would do my chores, and I would keep my grades up. And I did. In college I had three jobs while having a full load of credits and often slept in my car in the school parking lot because I knew if I went home I would not hear my alarm. My strong work ethic began with chores, and I’m grateful to my parents for it.

Take a break! Chores Are a Good Thing | Duluth Moms Blog

Reward or No?

I have really struggled with the concept of an allowance. One part of me is like my mom, you do the chore because that’s what we do, and the other is like my dad who was all about giving us money to learn how to manage it. I see pros and cons from both side of the coin (get it? I’m hilarious) so we came up with a happy medium. At age ten we started coming up with a price for certain chores. We have basics that need and will be done regardless because we want a tidy home. Things like keeping your room clean and your laundry done are just basics. Other things have a monetary value placed on them and they are responsible for keeping track of what they’ve done and dad or I check off that it was indeed done. They tally up how much they’ve “earned” and when they are ready to cash out, we get the sheet and we’ll give them money. We don’t regulate what they do with that money but we encourage them to save some in their bank account. Sometimes I’ll have a special chore that I need done and I’ll offer someone a quick $5 to do it and you’ll be surprised how they both get up and race to do it.

My daughter wants a new dance bag? A pair of new jeans with holes in them? Maybe my son wants a new pair of expensive sneakers? Or a new game console? We only give a gift on their birthday or a few on Christmas, so if they want something outside of that, they have to earn it. I want them to know you can’t always just run out and get something because you want it- you have to earn it, and sometimes that takes a while.

The Goal

 We decided early on that we would feel like we succeeded as parents if, when they move out, they are self-sufficient. They have a job, they have an education plan for a future career, they can take care of themselves and their things, and they are a productive member of society. We have friends who scoff at how many chores our kids do and say kids should just be kids. It’s absolutely true, kids should be kids, but part of being a kid is learning how to adult someday. Our kids have a lot of activities after school that leave me exhausted with an empty tank of gas in my car every week. They have excellent grades and spend time with friends. Chores are not going to stress your kid out. It will give them confidence and a sense of pride. They’ll feel competent and capable.

The bonus is that with all of these snazzy skills they likely won’t live in your basement forever so that’s kind of great!

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Sara Strand
Sara is a stay home mom (not a regular mom, a “cool” mom) of two teenagers and two elementary grade kids, who is always stressed out because one has their driver's license, one is a free spirit, one is fearless, and one is always in the clouds. In her “free time”, she is a book reviewer, dance mom, true crime podcast junkie, Dateline/Keith Morrison fan club devotee, and an Amniotic Fluid Embolism survivor. Always honest and sometimes funny, you can also find her at her blog, Stranded in Chaos (www.strandedinchaos.com), where she shares good (and not so good) books, tales from mom life, recovery and life after birth trauma, and livin’ la vida loca after 40ish.