Oh, You’re Going to Have Someone Else Raise Your Children?


When I found out I was pregnant, which if you know me, was a big deal because I am an IVF mama, words cannot describe how happy I was. Literally I just can not put it to words.  I loved my baby so much in the very moment I found out.

As most new moms have experienced, the comments start rolling in as soon as I announced my pregnancy: Are you going to breast feed? Do you have a name picked out? Are you scared about birth? and so on. The most judgmental question I will never forget was, “Oh, you are going to have someone else raise your children?” This came after I said that we were going to use daycare when I go back to work. I am shaking my head as I write this. Why do we think it’s okay to judge new mamas?

Oh, You're Going to Have Someone Else Raise Your Children? | Duluth MomWe all mom differently

First, we all parent differently, and thank goodness because how boring would it be if we all did it the same way? Some of us are stay-at-home moms, some have a nanny or a family member help look after children, and some of us utilize part-time daycare or full-time daycare.

All these decisions are made with love and are not easy to make, but we make the decisions that are right for our own families. Really that should be enough said; no one should have explain the decisions they make for their family to anyone, but I am going to hopefully shed some light on comments made to new moms, and how some of them are fairly judgmental.  

This particular comment of “Oh, you are going to have someone else raise your children” really got into my head. It made me second guess everything my husband I had decided for our family even though we both knew it was the best decision for us. No new mom should have to feel this way because we already have so much to worry about.

New moms should be supported, listened to, and given advice… IF it’s asked for. If she decides to parent differently than you did or do, it doesn’t mean she’s doing it wrong.

I love my job, and the people I work with are absolutely amazing. My boss is wonderful and easy to work for. But I also hate leaving my children. To say goodbye is a long drawn out process: ten kisses in the living room, okay run and give me a hug at the back door with more kisses, wave at the back window, wave at the stairs to the garage, and then once I finally leave, I expect multiple snap chats from my husband during the day (which I usually screen shot to save so I can stare at them all shift when I get a break).

Trust me when I say that the decision to be a working mom wasn’t an easy one. But along with loving my fulfilling job, I also make more money than my husband does. My income gives us financial stability which I appreciate and so does my husband.

I didn’t explain any of this to the person who made the comment to me because I learned quickly that people will make many comments like this without thinking about how hurtful they can sound. And while this person–or the person with the next comment–may not think it is the best decision to raise my family, it’s not their decision to make.

I share this with you because maybe you have had a similar experience, or maybe you know a new mom who just needs a little reassurance that she is doing it all right. I am hoping that we, as fellow mothers, grandmothers, friends, and family, will read this and understand that what we say can be hurtful even if we are saying it with the best of intentions.

Oh, You're Going to Have Someone Else Raise Your Children? | Duluth Mom

Every mother and parent puts in a lot of thought and time to make the best decisions for their children. I want nothing but the best for my babies. So yes, I am sending my kids to daycare, and yes, those lovely, trusted child care workers are helping me raise my children.

Remember we all mom differently, but we mom with love and that’s all that matters.