My husband and I are celebrating 23 years of marriage this coming fall. 23 years. It’s been good 23 years, in fact, it’s been better than good. I mean, it hasn’t been two decades of only wedded bliss–it’s been wonderful and it’s been difficult. The years feel like they’ve gone by so fast, but so slow at times, too. One thing is for sure: we’ve both changed over the years. We’ve changed and grown together. We’ve hopefully given an example of a united front to our children, muddled through stressful times and celebrated our happy times. Together.
We were 27 years old when we said “I do” to each other. Being adults who had been out on their own for a while, we were, in my opinion, already a little set in our ways. We had each been running our own households for some time and had to learn how to merge them both together. Things that we have learned and grown from in our marriage? A lot. Lots of things have changed, but what hasn’t, has been our relationship. If anything, it’s gotten better.
I always tease my hubby that he was raised by Ward and June Cleaver from Leave It To Beaver. (A black and white TV program from my youth about a 1950’s family.) Dad Ward always came home for dinner on time. Mom June kept the house clean and wore a dress and pearls while doing it. But mostly, they parented with gentleness, kindness and lots of smiles. Kind of sweet, right? I had a nice childhood as well, but we were raised differently. The result? We both have brought different things to the table. I think we’ve evened each other out. His ability to softly diffuse a situation, whether it be with our children or with us, is something I love about him. Even now, we still try to present ourselves as a united front to our adult children.
Those of you who know me, know I am the spender and my other half is the saver. I’ve changed a bit over the years. But him? He’s the responsible one and I say that wholeheartedly! Because of my penny-pinching saver of a husband, we don’t live in a van down by the river and we will have a pretty sweet retirement in a few years. I am more of a “live in the moment” kind of gal, while he has always been thoughtful, analytical, and smart about our purchases. How have we changed together? I think he’s relaxed a little bit about spending and I’ve gotten SO MUCH better about saving. We’ve learned together.
He and I have made so many wonderful memories together: family trips, moments that have brought us to tears because we’ve laughed so hard, and professional and personal achievements. But, it hasn’t been all wine and roses. Like other relationships, we’ve also had some pretty hard times. Totally crappy times. To be honest, there were times that we could have just walked our separate ways, but we didn’t. Through the good and the bad times, we’ve grown and learned more about each other. I’ve learned that he is my rock. He is the one that I go to with my fears, uncertainties and tears. I provide the same support for him. We have grown so much in this part of our relationship, that I think it is the one thing I would want our children to take from our marriage and hopefully bring to theirs one day. I pray that they will have learned that they need to lean on their spouse and let their spouse lean on them.
Something that hasn’t changed in our 22+ years of marriage? This is going to sound sticky sweet and a bit unbelievable, but, I still get butterflies when he kisses me. Or when he smiles at me a certain way. Honestly. It’s another thing I wish upon my children–that they never lose the feeling of being so deeply in love with their partner that they can’t feel their butterflies. And remember to give 100%. It’s not 50/50, 60/40 or even 90/10. If both of us give 100% all of the time, we can conquer anything that gets thrown our way.
Never forget the way you felt the moment you said “I do.” It’s what I write in almost every single wedding card we sign. I think it’s wonderful advice because, in the thick of it, it’s good to look back and remember. Remember the why, when and where. Why you said I do, when you did it, and where. And the butterflies. Always remember the butterflies!
