If you scroll through any number of parenting sites or blogs, you will find tons of articles with titles like “How to Be a Productive Parent” or “Tips for Busy Moms!”. Tons of articles exist to tell us exactly what we SHOULD be doing. Of course, when we don’t do those things, we feel guilty (at least I do!). We feel like we are failing our children and like we are failing as mothers. So, I am here to try and embrace the reasons why I am a “bad” mom.
My toddler watches TV every day
My two-year-old isn’t sitting in front of Jerry Springer each afternoon but yes, she watches TV at some point every day. I can only try to cook for so long with a 2.5 foot human burying her face in my butt asking for a drink, or snack, or to be held before I lose it. In instances like this, I am a better mom for turning on Daniel Tiger than I would be if I tried to manage without it.
She eats sugary snacks
There are a handful of things that I really enjoy about my day. My workout with Fit4mom Twin Ports and/or going for a run are two of them. Unfortunately, with a husband who works a lot, I have to bring her with me to these things. She doesn’t want to sit in the stroller for an hour any more than I want her to have to sit there so I reward her for being tolerant of my needs by letting her have Cocoa Krispies or a lollipop.
I’m selfish
Like I mentioned above, I feed my child sugary snacks to get at least 1 hour of me time every day. And that is not the extent to my selfishness! Sometimes she watches TV because I want to shower alone. Sometimes I lock myself in my bedroom after dinner and scroll mindlessly through Facebook. I am mom all day, every day. I am selfish and like to take some time every day to not be mom and just be Samantha!
I yell…. a lot.
Along with my workouts, the other thing I really look forward to is nap time. For the six hours in the morning before nap, I have to be attentive and navigate toddler emotions. By the time nap time rolls around, I am ready for a break. So yes, when she is supposed to be sleeping but instead is trying to break into her art supplies, I raise my voice so she knows I mean business!
Sometimes I let her get hurt
A mother is supposed to be protective and keep their kids from danger, right? Well, yes, but I waiver on that truth-ism when I have told my toddler five times to sit down in the basket at Target and she is screaming “no” at me. All I have done is entered into a power struggle where she is not going to do anything I say. Recently, we were in that exact struggle so I stopped correcting her. Lo and behold she hit her arm on a clothing rack and got scratched. I explained to her that she got hurt because she wasn’t sitting and that I give her rules to protect her. The next time we went to Target, she tried to stand up, and I reminded her of her arm scratch and she immediately sat down! Obviously, I don’t let her fling herself off of monkey bars but sometimes my words fall on deaf ears and she needs to understand the consequences of ignoring me.
These are all things that parent educators may advise against but what I didn’t mention is that my two year old can do an eight piece jigsaw puzzle by herself. She knows her name starts with a “H”. She picks up boxes in the grocery store that fall over. She loves her family and friends to the moon and back. She is happy, healthy, growing, and strong. She can do all these things because her mom is a “bad” mom sometimes. I take time to exercise, and cook nutritious meals, and decompress daily because it helps me be more attentive to her throughout the day. You can’t care for another human being unless you care for yourself first.
So, go ahead and be a bad mom every now and then! Turn on those cartoons and drink your coffee in peace. Let your child (within reason) push those boundaries and learn their limits. Know that you are not alone and, in the end, we are all just trying to survive the best way we can!
