My husband, Matthew, and I are COMPLETE opposites. I don’t mean opposites in the sense that one of us is messy and the other is organized, even though that is our case, too (I’m the messy one, by the way). I mean in the sense that if we both filled out information on our ideal date on a dating site, there is no way we would be matched together. Everything from our hobbies to our favorite foods differ.
Despite our differences, we have been together for 10 years and happily married for 6 of those 10.
Let me back up for a minute to when we started dating our interests aligned! I was 17 and he was 19 years old. We were young and trying to figure out life and our places in it. But as we aged, we grew as individuals, and we figured out what truly made our hearts happy. Matthew has found a love for hunting and fishing while I found a love for running and fitness. The struggle was finding out how to mix our interests so that we were both able to do the things we enjoyed but still had each other to lean on in our journeys.
Taking an interest in learning new things
We are opposites in that Matthew does not particularly enjoy exercising just for the sake of exercising. If he is hiking or accomplishing a physical task that is one thing, and for awhile he did not understand why I wanted to run (or pay to run races) just for the sake of running. But he listens to me when I talk about running and has absorbed the things I say. Most people who do not run can not describe running terms like PR, fartlek, cadence, etc. but over the years my husband has worked these into his vocabulary. Same goes for his adventures: I understand where my food comes from and the benefits from hunting and fishing but it is not my thing. When he talks about his trips, I truly listen to what he is saying and I ask questions when I don’t understand something.
Recognizing your partner’s accomplishments
Matthew will be the first one to say “Why would I pay to run a race when I can run that same road for free tomorrow?” This past June I ran the Garry Bjorklund Half Marathon. That was my fourth half marathon and I finished the fastest I have ever run before! I genuinely felt how happy my husband was for me. When we were driving home after the race after getting my celebratory, greasy post-race fast food lunch, I was struggling to get to my French fries because of all the things in my lap. He reached into the bag, fed me the fry and said “with a finish time like that, you deserve to be fed this fry!” He probably doesn’t realize this but that statement has not left my memory in the last five months.
Compromise
This is the most important thing when you and your partner have different hobbies. Each person needs to recognize the value in their partner’s time and hobbies. I’ll give you an example: There was a week in October that was PERFECT! The sun was shining, it was t-shirt weather, and the fall colors were at their prime. I wanted nothing more than to lace up my shoes and head out for a run once my husband got home. Well, he also wanted nothing more than to get dressed and head out to his deer blind. It is hunting season and I have no races coming up so I stayed home while my husband went hunting. Having a two-year-old, we both aren’t able to accomplish what we want at the same time (because I am not wanting to push an extra 30 pounds in a stroller on my run). My husband never complains about my long runs while I am training so I return the favor during hunting season and stay home, even on the beautiful days.
Marriage is not a noun. It’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” –Barbara De Angelis
It took some time to get to this point of balance between our interests and we still have disagreements about it but we are in a good place in our marriage because of the things above. Maybe you and your partners disagreements aren’t in regards to hobbies but I believe the three things I mentioned above can be adopted to a variety of things! Find what works for you and your partner and look at all the things you CAN do because of your differences instead of what you can’t do because you’re opposites.
