How Can I Get My Sexy Back After Kids?

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How Can I Get My Sexy Back After Kids? | Duluth Moms Blog

That title got your attention, didn’t it? Of course it did because we moms are mostly all in the same boat and are desperate to find where we misplaced our sexy after tiny humans have sprung forth out of places that were once held very sacred. I mean, after a hospital room full of strangers has seen your hoo-ha, well, the mystery is somewhat lost forever. The good news is, we all had some sexy at one point, or we wouldn’t be mothers… so we just need to find it, and revive it.

I would just like to start out by saying that I was not born with this level of self-confidence; quite the opposite, actually. Nope, I wasn’t the high school prom queen… Not. Even. Close. I was the dateless and miserable wallflower all through high school. Tragic, I know… my husband attributes the lack of interest to my 80’s bangs, to which he could have a small point. However, in overcoming a great many mental hurdles in my life, I have come to realize the importance of self-worth, self-confidence, and loving yourself for who you are.

While this February (for me) means turning 37 – a number that frightens me, I can honestly say that at this time in my life, I feel fantastic, and I have more confidence than I have ever had. And while Victoria may have some secrets that she thinks might look good on you, I promise that my advice will fit better and will last longer. That being said, in having overcome my own insecurity issues, I would like to share with you my secrets to success: 

#1. Start small. 

Pick a signature color (one that makes your eyes pop, your skin glow, your confidence soar), and rock it! In my life, fire engine red is my go-to power color with hot pink as a close second. Red lipstick is an easy first step… everyone feels sexier in red lipstick. Just make sure to do the finger through the puckered lips trick after application in order to avoid the lipstick-on-teeth issue… that problem would make you look more old-lady than super sexy.

#2. Get into a routine. 

I’m a BIG routine and list person… it’s how I organize and manage my life. If you’ve got a routine and you can stick to it, you don’t have to make so much of a mental effort if it’s just what you do every day. Here’s mine: I get up at 5:00 (before everyone else is up… they can’t bug me if they’re asleep), brush teeth, wash face and see to my skincare routine, apply makeup while listening to an audio book or music via headphones so as not to wake the family (and incite the bugging), work out for 20 minutes on the elliptical (or run outside), yoga plank, shower, dress (perfume, jewelry), and then I engage the family: changing clothes, feeding kids, wiping faces, butts, you name it, I’m ready. I find that looking good makes me feel good, and so I put in the effort.

And I know… moms struggle to work out, but working out in my mind isn’t an option… I just do it every day. If you think about 20 minutes and how you waste 20 minutes in a day doing nothing (on Facebook or Instagram, zoning out, watching TV, or zoning out and thinking about how you should be working out), it’s not really that much of a time commitment. Plus, working out makes you feel good, and it will make you look good – it’s really a win-win, I promise you.

#3. Make yourself a priority.

Hair, makeup, sleep, wardrobe. I know I’m SUPER high maintenance, and not everyone can be as committed as I am. However, maybe don’t wear the sweatpants or pajama bottoms out in public… no one ever felt sexy in those. Pants + earrings or Pants + perfume = 5 minutes; pants + perfume + earrings + a cute pair of shoes = 8 minutes, tops. You can do it; I believe in you!

#4. Find something that makes you feel sexy. 

Dig in your closet for something that hugs your curves, buy a new pair of heels or lacy undergarments, wear whatever it is and dance around the house to a girl-power song (dancing counts as working out, by the way, with extra points for multitasking. Just try not to do it when you’re expecting FedEx or UPS)! My dears, confidence is a mindset, and if you believe it, others will follow. I myself like to hoard stiletto heels, most of which I cannot wear post-kids or wear after having been forced to embrace flat shoes while pregnant (take note that falling in the parking lot will undo your sexy… so make safe choices). And yes, kitten heels are still sexy.

#5. Sexy begets Sexy. 

Read a romance novel or one in a shade of Grey – your choice. Hormones cannot be ignored in this quest to get your groove back, but I feel like I shouldn’t need to get too far into explaining this one… just do it, and you’ll understand.

#6. Help each other. 

That’s why we’re a part of this mom community, no? Compliments, compliments, compliments. Ladies, we are all in this one together. We love to get compliments – makes our day usually… I know it makes mine. So in knowing that, let’s give each other compliments as much as we can. I’ll start, “Gosh, you look fantastic today! Have you lost weight?! That red lipstick makes you look HOT!”

#7. Do it for yourself. 

Have you ever had anyone tell you to do something, and that made you not want to do it even more? Or have you done something for the wrong reasons only to fail? Well, getting your self-confidence and your sexy back needs to be your conscious decision for you, or it just won’t stick. Period.

#8. Goals. 

Set some goals for yourself, and don’t give up! 20 minutes of working out a day, monthly girls’ drinks nights (to get dolled up and go out – and maybe get hit on by a cute college guy…), limiting your sweatpants-to-public-viewing ratio to maybe once a week. Goal-setting is very important; you wouldn’t have given up on having a family, no matter how much you may have struggled, right? And look how much of a reward you’re getting now. Was that an easy journey? Well, for many of us, the answer is a Big Fat NO, myself included… but that’s a story for another time, ladies. 

BONUS: For those of you who are mothers of little girls, finding your self-confidence, exuding it, and setting a positive self-worth attitude will do more for your children than telling them a million times that they’re pretty and that they’re amazing, regardless of how very true it may be. Teach by example… there is no better way.

So in the spirit of the month of love, I challenge you to try something new and to find some love for yourself. We all give so much all of the time, but you deserve to give something to yourself and to feel great too! Now go out there, and find that misplaced sexy, I know you can! Happy February, lovelies!