When Everyone Else is Eating a Chocolate Sundae

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She saw me and launched herself into my arms, her sweaty face pressed to my stomach and chest. I could tell she was crying.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

The response was muffled against my chest. I peeled her gently away from me, smoothing blonde hair from her mottled face. Again, I asked her what was wrong and this time I made (sort of) heads and tails of the incident.

But maybe I should back up a bit.

When Everyone Else is Eating a Chocolate Sundae | Duluth Moms Blog

Making the Hard Choice

I wouldn’t consider myself a health nut per se, but I do regularly foist lentils, kale, and lean meat on my family; much to my chagrin and annoyance, the foods are typically met with groans all around. I guess it’s fair to say that I’m relatively conscious of what my family puts into their respective mouths. Along with lentils and kale, I unilaterally impose a “no sugar” month on my family a couple times a year. Now, “no sugar” doesn’t mean any sugar–we still eat things that have sugar added, e.g;, ketchup, tomato sauce and the like; but sweet treats–candy, cookies, cakes, muffins, soda, chocolate are strictly off limits.

I asked her to explain what was wrong one more time.

“We had ice cream sundaes in science class,” she hiccuped, “with sprinkles and chocolate… and I was the only one who didn’t have one.” Further compounding the issue? She’d been forced to turn down the chocolate cupcake with the creamiest frosting served at hot lunch.

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” And I was. At first.

We drove home from school. She was quiet, subdued, and a little sad. At home, I started making dinner–it might’ve been lentils and kale–and she made a comment that stopped my garlic chopping.

“Mom, I coulda had an ice cream sundae and you wouldn’t have ever known.”

She was absolutely right and I told her so. She’d made a hard choice, one that discomfited her in front of her peers, and one that could have remained a secret from me. Even as an adult woman, something inside me shrinks at the thought of being the only one not eating the proverbial ice cream sundae.

I told her that too. I  told how PROUD I was of her. I told her how much she inspired me.

When Everyone Else is Eating a Chocolate Sundae | Duluth Moms Blog

A Lesson for Mom, Too

I tend not engage in political conversations simply because the discussion can rapidly devolve into unproductive vitriol.  Like a lot of women, I often find myself smoothing feathers rather than ruffling them, because it’s easier. Not smoothing feathers could mean bearing the full weight of my peers’ scrutiny, feeling the uncomfortableness of not eating the metaphorical chocolate sundae that everyone else is enjoying. My daughter’s choice, trivial though it could seem, reminded me that “doing the right thing” is usually uncomfortable. I will always try to keep the peace, try to understand another’s perspective, try to find a common middle ground.  But as she poignantly reminded me: sometimes I need to befriend the awkward kid in class, state the unpopular opinion, stand by and stand up for those whose voices are compromised, unheard, or blatantly ignored. Smoothed feathers be darned.

I also told her that October would be over before she knew it and one of the first things we were going to do come November 1st? Go get the biggest, sprinkley-est, chocolatey-est sundae we could find.