The Tween Years. The ages between 8-12, where they are not quite a teenager but not a child either. Care.com suggests it can be a wildly exciting and tumultuous time for us parents and our child.
Wildly exciting might be an understatement – somedays I’m not sure who this person living with me is because it’s certainly not my loving, sweet daughter. And then there are other days, when I can see the woman she is becoming. Her strength, creativity, and passion.
I have had to reflect on how I parented when she was a toddler, because to me the stages have a lot of similarity. I need patience, we both need sleep and we both need to eat. When one of those things is off, our interactions are off.
Searching for Independence
I can do it by myself! Remember those words when they were three? Yup, I hear it all the time now too. She’s constantly trying to show me she is able to do things on her own, from doing her own makeup, to shopping at the mall, from having her own Instagram and Snapchat accounts.
It’s a balancing act of trying to give her the independence; letting go to let her spread her wings, trusting that you’ve installed strong morals and values so she’ll make good choices.
It’s not always easy!
Part of that independence comes a bigger sense of responsibility – it means making sure she takes responsibility for her actions. It means talking with her when her actions or words hurt – helping understand how her impulsive actions can impact those who love her.
OH MY GOD THE MOOD SWINGS
The hormones are ragging through their sweet little bodies and their bodies are changing. Conversations about personal hygiene – the importance of wearing deodorant; yes you need to wear a bra everyday. The awkward mom conversations, so do you have hair growing anywhere? How about questions about getting your period?
Often times the response I get is, argh mom really! Do we have to talk about this right now? Do I want to talk about this right now, NO I DO NOT! But, it’s my job as your mom to have these conversations. I want to make sure she understands that while awkward, these conversations are important. They are important because she needs to know she can come to talk to me about her changing body and about things going on with her relationships – both with girls and boys. (Although, I am secretly hoping that the boys will be another few years down the road).
Keys to Surviving the Mood Swings:
- Make sure she has her own space, a space where she can go to relax and take her own timeout. Don’t take it personally that she doesn’t want you to comfort her.
- Wine. make sure you always have a bottle or two stashed away for you.
- Food. I’ve found that often times she needs to eat. And not a bunch of crap. Have healthy snacks available that you can quickly grab.
- Wine. Refer to number 2.
- Sleep. She needs it. Make sure her schedule isn’t so packed that she staying up way too late and not getting enough sleep. Build in time during the weekends so they can sleep in. I might even suggest nap time, maybe not for your tween but definitely for you.
- Wine. It always helps.
- Find your tribe. As moms, we don’t always take time for us. I make sure that I am meeting up with my running tribe a few times a week. Not only for advice on how they are handling similar situations, but for reinforcements. For the understanding they have of what our days our like and for reassurance that we will survive these years.
Spend Time Together
I have found when we are butting heads a lot, it is usually my sign that I need to carve out some time for just her and I. I’ll figure out time for us to go get coffee or ice cream, to go shopping. It’s during those times that we have the best conversations. When I hear about what is important to her, what she’s worrying about and what she’s looking forward too.
I love these mother daughter dates.
Honestly, it changes the family dynamics. Having the time for just us to do something, makes it a better living space for everyone. She comes home more relaxed and with less attitude. I come home more relaxed, knowing that I’m doing ok as her mom.
The Tween years are tough! But its surviving the tough things in life that make us resilient and that gives us strength to face other obstacles. And when it s really tough, grab the wine bottle, go for a run, find your tribe.
WE are survivors!
