Inexperienced Mama

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Inexperienced Mama | Duluth Moms Blog{Photo credit: Lindsey Hodgson}

I walked into being a mom completely inexperienced. I am the youngest of my siblings, and though I’m in the middle of the pack of my cousins, I never babysat any of those younger than me. I had never changed a single diaper before Grace came along six months ago and only even held a baby a few times. I had no idea what to expect or what it would be like to be a mom. I knew almost nothing, and there were a lot of things I had to learn about myself and about taking care of a newborn, many of them funny, strange, and foreign, and many of them not found on the internet.

For example, when the big day came and I held my little girl for the first time, I really didn’t even know what to say to her. I spent much of the next two months feeling extremely awkward speaking to her or singing to her. They say it’s good to talk to your baby because your voice is familiar and comforting to them, but I’ve always been shy and introverted and not really one to talk a lot. Speaking out loud to her just seemed so weird at first. I expected the maternal instincts to be there as soon as she arrived, but it took me some time to really bond with her.

And then there’s breastfeeding. Nursing was intensely weird, and as the months went on, I eventually switched to bottles (though I might not have if she didn’t like it so much better than nursing). It’s so strange to have a part of my body that needs to be milked for the consumption of another human being. I was used to sharing my body with her in pregnancy, but I expected to feel like I had my body back to myself again once she was born. But nope, my body is still not my own.

Also, let’s not forget how fun it is to get used to handling poop. Touching someone else’s poop is definitely not awesome for obvious reasons. Stinky, being the most obvious. There’s nothing that can prepare you for wiping someone’s butt. I never expected to learn so much about baby poop, but here I am – a scholar at all things poop (especially constipated poop). I used to be uncomfortable talking about poop or even saying the word “poop.” And now… there’s just no shame. All in a day’s work.

I also learned what it was like to be truly needed. I have never been so needed by anyone before in my life. Grace lost almost a pound in her first week of like outside of the womb, so I was instructed to feed her every two hours, day and night, until she was back at her birth weight of 7 pounds 4 ounces (and even when she did hit her birth weight again I was told to continue feeding her every two hours). She needed so much of my attention all the time. That was a huge transition for me, and a painful one. Being an introvert, I need a lot of time to myself to mentally recharge and process things. This was almost impossible with Grace, especially at the beginning. She cried and cried and cried, and I internalized all of it until I started to break down at least once a day. They say it feels good to be needed, but it sure didn’t feel good then.

I was also suddenly aware of every bodily function around me. I was so focused on getting burps out of Grace or just getting used to hearing her sneeze or hiccup, that any bodily noise at all captured my entire focus. And now that she’s older and I’m more used to her sounds, I find myself perking up at the sound of a child crying anywhere. Oh the things I never used to notice!

I learned to multitask. Boy, did I ever learn to multitask! I never knew how many things I could do one-handed! And if it wasn’t bad enough to just have Grace and our eight-year old German Shorthaired Pointer, Bacon, we decided to get a puppy. I am truly outnumbered now! Little Porkchop definitely keeps me on my toes, and most of the time, I find myself juggling all three of them. I had no idea that I could handle so much! There have been many days that I didn’t think it was going to work, but here I am, doing it day in and day out.

There were a lot of things I didn’t anticipate when I became a mom. I have learned a lot of things about babies and about myself in the last six months. Most importantly, I’ve learned that there is no amount of Pinterest posts or articles you can read to prepare you for what it’s like to be a mom (even if you are experienced in childcare). Researching gave me such a false sense of optimism. I was much more worried about labor and delivery than I ever was about taking care of a child. I thought it sounded pretty easy in comparison to labor – just feed the kid and change her diaper. What’s so hard about that? I had no idea how wrong I was! It was all such new territory to me and it still is most days.

So my advice to you, inexperienced mama, is to follow your instincts and take it one day at a time. That’s really all you can do! Each day you will discover something new about yourself and your family. It will never be a breeze, but it is worth it. Keep laughing and keep loving. For me, the learning curve was rough, but I truly have become a stronger person and a good mom by just putting one foot in front of the other. I have had many, many days in which I thought I couldn’t do it, but I did. So trust me when I say, you can do it, too!

1 COMMENT

  1. LOVE this and completely empathize. My eldest is 3 years old, and I was in the same position as you. No experience, never even changed a diaper. It was incredibly overwhelming, and coping was sometimes an hour-by-hour task.

    I’m also introverted and need time to recharge, but I had to choose between relaxation and sleep and usually chose sleep.

    My daughter (3 months), has been much easier. Experience helps.

    Also, I was 100% the same way about poop. Totally gross, didn’t even want to think about it. Now I find myself discussing the kids’ bowel movements over dinner and initiating poop jokes.

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